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“¡No aplastes a tu compañero con el rodillo!” Catálogo de instrucciones rocambolescas

23 noviembre 2012 - 10:34 - Autor:

Recomendación para compañeros de fábrica desalmados: ¡No haga esto!

Cualquiera que se haya enfrentando a montar un mueble de Ikea, a programar el vídeo en modo grabación (los más puretas) o a seguir una receta de cocina de autor, sabe perfectamente que inevitablemente existe un punto de cortocircuito entre la mente de quien impartió las instrucciones y la que las recibe, un muro de metacrilato de incomprensión que los croquis e ilustraciones, lejos de derrumbar, perpetúan.

A continuación, algunas de las instrucciones más rocambolescas halladas en el vasto océano de Internet, en parte gracias a coleccionistas como Darren Barefoot, un individuo que lleva más de 20 años recopilando manuales que pretenden ayudar, y muchas veces, atoran al usuario.

“Si utilizas más papel del requerido para limpiarse saldrás expelido del inodoro”.

¿Cuántas advertencias de seguridad requiere una vela? No menos de seis…

… ¿Y para una pajita? Gracias, McDonald’s, sin el punto 3 no hubiéramos sabido dónde ponerla.

“No golpees con la antena del cacharro a un compañero de juegos ni mucho menos te autolesiones con ella”.

“Vestir una bata estéticamente reprobable puede provocar una violenta levitación del cubo de la basura”.

“Mil maneras de maltratar un gato para dejarle limpio como la patena”.

De puro sentido común: “En caso de cruzarte con un león de montaña, ofrécele un niño pequeño y huye mientras el león lo devora”.

“… Y si el párvulo sobrevivió al león, no olvides cerrar bien la tapa antes de encerrarle en un tupperware“.

“Si dejas la correa del perro bajo la caja, acabarás tropezando con estruendo”.

“Mucho cuidado al agacharte si no quieres acabar enculado por el remonte”.

“Aprovecha las posturas de yoga para otear bien el trasero de tu compañera”.

Preferimos no saber qué quiere decir ésta.

Gajes de la traducción automática.

Visto en el Hall of Technical Documentation Weirdness,  el Caralibro de Moni y otras muchas páginas que ahora no recuerdo.

Otros dislates:

-El Nokia Puta y otras notables meteduras de pata del marketing

-Vitorio y los chinos: los mejores carteles de los mercadillos

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