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Cortémonos el pelo como mandan los cánones del socialismo

27 abril 2010 - 12:24 - Autor:

¿Cuál es el corte de pelo idóneo entre los hombres socialistas? Los cabellos de un máximo de 1,5 centímetros de longitud, de punta o ligeramente ladeados por arriba, aunque los mayores de 50 tienen bula: si se están quedando calvos pueden dejarse el pelo de hasta 7 centímetros con objeto de cubrir el cartón, que el socialismo bien entendido no excluye una dosis de coquetería.

Con “socialismo” no nos referimos a la decorativa “s” de un partido pequeño burgués como el PSOE español sino al socialismo de verdad, ése que se sigue practicando en Corea del Norte, último reducto de resistencia frente al capitalismo y su confusa variedad capilar. La campaña “Cortémonos el pelo como mandan los cánones del socialismo” forma parte de un plan iniciado por las autoridades norcoreanas en 2004 para adoctrinar a los ciudadanos acerca del corte de pelo y la indumentaria más acordes con el estilo de vida sociata. El peinado de un hombre refleja su “espíritu ideológico”.

Si la campaña fuera meramente propagandística no se diferenciaría mucho de los consejos para viejunos de “Saber vivir” en TVE o de los anuncios de Studio Line para la muchachada occidental, pero al tener su origen en el estrafalario país asiático la vuelta de tuerca es inevitable: los vídeos de aleccionamiento están trufados de imágenes tomadas por cámaras ocultas en las calles de Pyongyang y alrededores, en los que aparecen los peinados contrarios a la ortodoxia socialista (melena, flequillo emo o pelo casco) y sus vergonzantes propietarios, con su nombre y dirección sobreimpresionados, para que la reprimenda capilar sea pública.

Algunos de los “infractores” se excusan ante las cámaras de “Sentido común” por sus nefastos peinados, alegando que salieron del país por viajes de negocios “y ya se sabe“. La voz en off también recrimina a ciertas esposas por tolerar que sus maridos vayan por ahí con esos pelos. Como muestra, un mullet: el ciudadano llamado Ko Gwang Hyrun recibe este severo reproche por dejar crecer el cabello por encima de las orejas:

“No podemos evitar cuestionarnos el gusto cultural de este camarada, que es incapaz de avergonzarse de su peinado. ¿Podemos esperar que un hombre con semejante pelazo pueda realizar sus obligaciones con propiedad?”

Suerte que el socialismo en estado puro se aplica en Corea, donde la variedad capilar es escasa porque si tuviera que aplicarse en Alemania la mitad de la población acabaría entre rejas.

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¿Y el Querido Líder, Kim Il Jong, qué opina de todo esto? Como cuenta la Wikipedia, su trayectoria capilar ha sido errática: a principios de los 80 llevó sobre su cabeza el denominado “Corte Batalla Relámpago”, aunque poco después la abandonó para adoptar el estilo bouffant, a imagen y semejanza de su padre, Kim Il Sung. El corte bouffant (ahuecado) se caracteriza por un amontonamiento de pelo en la parte superior de la cabeza, que cae suavemente sobre los laterales. Se presume que lo inventó María Antonieta, nada menos.

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Más información en Wikipedia.

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[...] los melenudos, en tanto Corea del Norte adoctrina desde la TV a sus ciudadanos sobre el peinado “como mandan los cánones del socialismo”. La república islámica de Irán ha prohibido que los peinados occidentales en la cabeza de los [...]

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